I am writing this blog for myself and all my fellow trying to conceive sisters (#ttcsisters), who in addition to feeling the pain and heartbreak of infertility, have undoubtedly endured the insensitive remarks of people who think they are being helpful. I am here to ask you to please think before you speak. Words can cut like a knife. Words are powerful beyond measure. For anyone who has not had to struggle it is easy to give unsolicited advice.
After and during our most recent failed attempt at egg donor IVF, we were the beneficiaries of many wonderful and supportive people; who showered us with positive messages and prayers. Unfortunately, we were also the recipients of some unwarranted and unnecessary opinions and ideas. An example of some of the most crushing and counter productive statements are as follows:
“You are too old to be parents”
“Maybe you should consider adoption”
“What about using a surrogate”
I cannot begin to tell you how hurtful these words were for us both. Our hearts were heavy throughout the process and these seemingly innocuous words poured salt into our open wounds.
I was told as a child, “if you do not have anything nice to say then do not say anything all all.” As adults we often forget turn on our word filters. A part of me understands, if you have never experienced infertility you may not have the ability to the fully empathize with an infertile couples’ plight. The best thing you can do is listen and offer support; not judge or push your ideas and opinions on someone struggling with infertility.