July 26, 2017
As I reflect on the past seven months since our recent failed attempt at pregnancy, I realize there are many moments of sadness and loneliness that invade and occupy my mind. As a forty-three year old woman with no children, I feel like I am living on my own island with very few provisions. A sense of hopelessness creeps in because I often believe there is no rescue boat in sight. These feelings of loneliness are at times suffocating and completely unhealthy.
My feelings are compounded by social media, which is both a blessing and a curse for those suffering from infertility. Every single day, I vow that this my last day on Facebook and Instagram. As happy as I am to see my friends and their children, I realize that it fills me with sadness because there are no pictures of my offspring to share with my social media contacts. Instead my camera roll and accounts are filled with inspirational quotes, and pictures from trips and adventures. Every post is a futile attempt to mask my true pain and emptiness.
I recognize the value of social media in terms of the resources and support it offers for couples and individuals struggling with infertility. I read comments from friends that my blog eases their infertility and angst, making them more comfortable to share their story. I do not want to stop supporting those couples struggling with infertility, but I need to find a way to feel better about my situation.
The real problem for both of us is that we do not know couples our age facing the same struggles. I attend support groups, but leave feeling even worse. At these gatherings, I hear stories of struggle and angst, but also triumph at the end of a long battle with infertility. I feel empty, because I do not have the same story. Instead, I am left to question why I continue to struggle with getting pregnant, while everyone else despite their trials and tribulations overcomes the odds.
For now I am left to cope with the loneliness of infertility. I turn to you my friends to ask for support, suggestions, and advice on how to shake my blues.