Baby Blues

The Ring that Rekindled Our Quest

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Infertility both a blessing and a curse….

I have faced many challenges in my life. You may say who cares, I have my own problems to deal with. I am not asking for pity, but rather a chance to share my experiences. A forum that is judgment free. Perhaps there are others out there who have their own challenges and struggles, but are afraid to open up and share. Sometimes it is easier to open up to someone you barely know, then the people closest to you. I am blessed with family and friends, and therefore never really face challenges on my own, but yet I find that no one can truly understand my pain or frustration. Other times I feel like a burden, and think to myself why would anyone want to listen to my problems when there are far worse things happening in the world.

In the past few months, my infertility has once again become a hot bed of stress and conversation. Everywhere I turn I am reminded that I am a forty-two year old woman with no children. Meanwhile most of my friends are busy raising kids and basking in the joy of motherhood.

In the spring, I saw a friend I had not seen in quite some time. In the midst of catching up, she asked what I had done with the kabbalah ring she gave me years a few years ago when we first starting trying to conceive.  This is no ordinary ring, to my friend and so many others, it is believed, amongst other things, to help infertile women conceive.  I confided that we gave up on ever having children. We had already endured three failed IVF attempts, one miscarriage and an infection. This is not the answer she wanted or was willing to accept. In fact, she insisted I come to her house so that we could talk in private  and she could share stories of other women’s struggles. This night was the beginning the of the third leg of my quest to get pregnant.

After that night, I was once again reminded of my failures, and fearful of opening up the door that I had for all intents and purposes was closed. Just when I was trying to convince myself that I was destined not to have children, a generous and loving soul pushed me to reconsider. While I could have anticipated the stress of restarting our quest for a child, I could never have anticipated the blessing of strangers. Women I have never met face to face opening their hearts and struggles, as I grappled with our new reality.

This blog will chronicle our journey for a child. A road that is not traditional, but will g-d willing bring us a child. And so began our pilgrimage for pink or blue…

 

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