Infertility is both emotionally and financially draining. We were fortunate that when we did IUI and IVF, it was covered by insurance. Unfortunately, egg donation is not covered under medical insurance. Alas, the next hurdle, how do we pay for this procedure without going into bankruptcy?
We consulted with two facilities. Each offering various packages and options, but none really affordable. A wave a fear crashed over me. I began to retreat to a dark and negative place, questioning if in fact this was a wise choice. I was upset that once again we were facing a mountain without the proper equipment to tackle and climb.
In the meantime, Jeff pushed forward making countless phone calls to egg banks, and agencies that worked with potential donors in an effort to gain information upon which we could better make our decision. In the end, we were looking at a cost of anywhere of $20,0oo to $45,000. A reality that made us both sick and sad at the same time.
Meanwhile, there was still a disconnect as to where to go and how many times to try. Jeff and I are different in our approaches. I am more cautious and scared. He can be more impulsive, especially if it is something he is passionate about. We were not making progress and more fights ensued.
Before our last consultation with a fertility center in New Jersey, we came to a compromise in therapy deciding that $25,000 was our max. We still needed to figure out where this money would come from. Would we take a personal loan or would we tap into our retirement savings? Admittedly, I was uncomfortable with taking money from our future, as I knew that if we got pregnant we would need this money to support our family.
In early July, we spent three hours at a facility in New Jersey. We met with a doctor, a nurse and finally the financial coordinator. After three hours, we were tired and when the numbers and packages were laid out in front us, the reality set in. This was not going to be easy. In addition to the exorbitant cost, is the wait time for a suitable donor. For anyone unfamiliar with the process, the couple is asked to fill out a questionnaire and the facility looks for a suitable match, which can be long depending on the pool of suitable donors.
We left with a sick feeling in our stomachs and a sense of hopelessness. Cost aside, neither facility worked for us. One felt like a factory, churning through infertile couples. The other is too long of a wait for a potential donor, as it is much smaller. Once again, we were back to square one, hopeless and unsure as to where to go next. Neither facility was the right fit. At the suggestion of friends and acquaintances we continued to pursue additional options, but nothing was a viable or realistic.
Not too long after, in an effort to figure out a more viable options, I began research with thr simple phrase, “more affordable options for egg donation.” I was immediately flooded with messages boards and information about options overseas. One article in particular piqued me curiosity and started us down a new and potentially promising path.
And so began our next chapter in the quest for a child….