Baby Blues

Another Obstacle Along the Path


“There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.”–Ralph Martson

In my last post, I briefly alluded to a conversation with my friend, in which she encouraged us to not give up on the possibility of having children. As we sat at her dining room table, She recounted stories of women from all walks of life, who despite the odds, were able to conceive and birth a child. This conversation was full of promising stories, and despite my initial negativity, left me with a renewed sense of hope. If other women had struggle and did not give up, then we had no reason not to give it one more shot.

Our initial plan was to meet with a reproductive endocrinologist at a new facility because the prior two facilities, in which we did both IUI and IVF, were less than confident that these assisted technologies would ever help us conceive.

With a renewed spirit and hope, my husband quickly reached out to the facility in hopes that a new doctor may give us the answer we were hoping for. Unfortunately, there are many couples struggling to have children, so getting appointments are not always as fast as one would hope for. We waited patiently for our appointment, but clearly we both anxious.

When we finally did meet the doctor the news was not what we hoped. She concurred with the other two doctors, and did not recommend trying IVF again. Instead, she spoke about using an egg donor. Egg donation is an idea that we had heard a few years prior, but in the midst of the emotions of failed attempts at IVF and a spontaneous pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage, was never seriously pursued.

The doctor’s words pierced and paralyzed. I immediately began to focus on my perceived inadequacies. Although this was our best option, all I could do was focus on the unfairness of our situation. I began to once again question why we kept facing these difficult challenges. I retreated into protective mode and became the obstacle in our path.


After this initial consultation, my husband, without hesitation was on board for moving forward with using an egg donor, and stayed inside the office accumulating more information. Meanwhile, I was outside the office, scared and full of reservations.

Our disconnect caused immediate tension. We stopped being able to listen to each other, and found that our conversations were getting no where.  We both felt like our opinions and feeling were not being validated by the other. The more he pushed, the more upset I got. Neither one of us wanted friction or distance, so we decided that the best course was to seek out more information to help in making a more informed decision.

Stay tuned for the next post in which I will eloborate on how we were able to resolve our differences.